“Straight Acting” review. again.
A reader contacted me today after having difficulty locating an Edge review of mine from March. She was looking over a follow-up post concerning my review of a book entitled Straight Acting, after being approached by a friend on the issue of her gay friend who loathes himself because he’s super feminine.
So I did some digging and, after not being able to locate the review either, I decided to post it here for her. Gender identity seems to be the hot topic right now; from transgender workplace discrimination issues to Barbara Walters specials on how families cope with their trans-minded children at alarmingly young ages, to men who were once women having babies, it’s tough to know for sure what notion will be left standing once the music stops. It’s one thing to be born in the wrong body. But how does identity become such an issue if the individual feels right at home with his or her biological gender?
THIS ADDED 07/03 3:19PM EST: After seeing a considerable amount of traffic from and to trans sites, I thought it might be helpful to say that this review/discussion is not specifically geared toward trans issues, but gender issues, which I feel encompass a great deal of topics within the LGBT community. It’s important that educators convey the correct message here, regarding gender expression.
For gay men, saying “to be masculine is wrong” and “embrace your feminine side” are not enough. The idea is to love and respect who you are, whether you are gay or straight. It’s important to lose the fear of embracing diversity (no matter how different someone appears to be). The tragedy of Lawrence King is a clear illustration of how ignorance can easily lead to death. But the last thing we need is for self-respecting gay men who positively identify as masculine to experience reverse discrimination for the sake of wanting to right a wrong. If you are masculine, be masculine. If you are feminine, be feminine. If you are a mixture of both, be both. Do what feels right. Let (gay or straight) society get over it.
So in the meantime TRS, here’s my review of Angelo Pezzote’s Straight Acting:
There’s no question that what Angelo Pezzote says is rooted in a genuine desire to help homosexuals everywhere find love and acceptance, all the while dodging the depression and insecurity that stem from inevitable dystopian social pressures. But by the second chapter of Straight Acting, a seasoned reader might go so far as to say that certain passages seem trite, even condescending.
For instance, the metaphors: he states that “as gay men, we can use our fortitude resourcefulness and determination as a super glue that sticks us together, rather than treating each other badly, which is a bomb that blows us apart,” and asks us on the book’s back cover if we’re “fed up with the fact that men have a shorter shelf life than sushi.” He speaks of the “sly Gay Shame Monster” that creeps up, and in one ridiculous passage tries to make us feel better by citing a long term relationship between two male flamingos in England. Granted, in casual conversation one might often indulge by giving examples of how homosexual behavior exists in the animal kingdom, but examples like this don’t belong in a book that claims to be one step ahead of the “I wonder if it’s ok to be gay?” argument.
But beyond the nursery rhymes and tired anecdotes lives a somewhat major inconsistency.
On the one hand, Pezzote makes the point that “sex, gender identity, gender expression and sexual orientation are separate,” reminding us that “having same-sex fantasies doesn’t mean you’re gay,” I tend to agree, as do many experts in the field (enter the Kinsey Scale). yet on the other hand he suggests that men who put out sex ads for other men are gay, “even if it’s just a little,” simply because they might lust for other men. What makes this difficult to comprehend, especially for the lay reader approaching the subject from a fresh vantage point, is the fact that labels are being interchanged like outfits before a dinner party; trying them on for size, so to speak, is something you do before you write the book. In other words, it’s not advisable for an author to interject hypothetical (and personal, perhaps) notions of sexuality when it’s that author’s job to present the facts. What if my fantasy is to put out a man-for-man sex ad but not actually have the sex? Does that make me gay? Or just “curious”? What if I lust for a woman I see dancing in a burlesque show? Does that make me straight? And so on…
On a positive note, Pezzote’s point that the overbearing and contrived masculinity of some gay men that comes from self-loathing or insecurity can be self-destructive and hurtful towards others is well taken. However, what Straight Acting lacks is a clear thesis; we’re left guessing who exactly the target audience is. Take the fact that not all masculine gay men act the way they do out of fear or a need to overcompensate. To hypothesize so would be to contradict the book’s major claims, indeed the cornerstones of Pezzote’s research and practice.
It seems as if most of Straight Acting, and perhaps the bulk of Pezzote’s columns, are geared toward the self-loathing homosexual; the effeminate-at-heart who destructively seeks to be masculine and the effeminate gay man who feels inferior or ugly because of his flamboyant tendencies. Yet, he preaches to a wide audience and in doing so, threatens to flip the prejudice on those gays who in fact positively identify as masculine. After all, being masculine is not any more wrong or misplaced for a gay male than is being effeminate, regardless of the current patriarchal societal trend, a viewpoint blurred as he suggests to “lower our shields of masculinity.”
On the flip side, in what is perhaps the most cohesive section of the book, Pezzote returns to his roots (or at least what appears to be his strongest suit), as an advice columnist by providing several lists designed to help us find true love, engage in safe sex, spot a player, and retain one’s love once he’s found him. In addition, he includes many real life responses to questions he’s been asked that pertain to the subject at hand.
When it all boils down, Angelo Pezzote may not read like Shakespeare, but he does have the credentials necessary to communicate with his target audience. What puts this selection in self-help limbo is the fact that it reads like one long disoriented column piece, and in doing so, loses us before we’re interested in getting to the meat of the matter.
Questions? Get in touch!
[...] From the review: “It seems as if most of Straight Acting, and perhaps the bulk of Pezzote’s columns, is geared toward the self-loathing homosexual; the effeminite-at-heart who destructively seeks to be masculine, and the effeminite gay man who feels inferior or ugly because of his flamboyant tendencies. Yet, he preaches to a wide audience and in doing so, threatens to flip the prejudice on those gays who in fact positively identify as masculine. After all, being masculine is not any more wrong or misplaced for a gay male than is being effeminate, regardless of the current patriarchal societal trend, a viewpoint blurred as he suggests for us to ‘lower our shields of masculinity.’” READ MORE [...]
As a gay man who is generally nailed as gay within minutes of meeting others (straight or gay), I obviously telegraph my gayness. Read: Effeminate. Yet, because this is who I have always been, I am not really aware that I am effeminate. I can’t recall, even as a youth, being teased or mocked for “girlish” mannerisms. Nor do I see myself as “flaming” or sissy-like”. So, I have never experienced the self-loathing which, unfortunately, so many gay men have. The sad fact is that, as gay men, we should feel any need at all to publicly project who and what we are.
Thanks for your thoughts, Chris. I feel the same way; I assume you mean to write (last line) “we shouldn’t feel any need at all to publicly project…”? (Please correct me if I’m wrong.) Lucky for you that you should have a tougher hide than most. The coercive conformity of society to make all men appear and act a certain way is truly disgusting, to say the least. (And it’s perpetrated by both sexes, I think.) Disgusting because it shows a general lack of strength, courage and creativity. But there is the light at the end of the tunnel. And that light resides with the opposite sex. (Let’s thank our lucky stars for feminism!) We may love men. But that isn’t to say we hate women
Thanks for reading!
You assumed correctly, indeed! My lazy phrasing turned my meaning on its head. Thanks much for catching and correcting. While I agree that feminism has been a blessing for society, I hope you’re right in feeling it will open up the door for a more–, what’s the word I’m looking for? How about … nuanced … approach to the male (and the female) and who and what we are. Wonder why my (or anyone’s, for that matter) outward mannerisms — in my case, effeminate, girlish, sissyish, name your poison — are so bothersome to people? I’m not consciously practicing in front of a mirror to appear feminine, I just naturally am more feminine. It’s who I am. Perhaps my mistake is in not standing before a mirror and practicing how to be more masculine! What are they afraid of? And thanks again for catching my mistake.
From sexism comes homophobia and, dare I say, racism. It is the need to place man over woman, male over female, dominant over submissive, that forces these power struggles. The discomfort some men feel when they see feminine men or other men in feminine (i.e. submissive) roles, gives way to homophobia. It’s the fear of somehow “losing one’s manhood,” I assume.
The same ideals come into play with racism. The dominating class either sees the “other” as a threat or as submissive, and attempts to dominate accordingly. Foucault brilliantly discusses power struggles. I’m no expert, but when you really dig deep, most of this surfaces in common discourse and everyday narratives. It’s all apparent in our everyday experience.
Try Terry Goldie’s QueerSexLife. I’m reviewing it now. The book is extremely enlightening, once you get past the occasional academic-speak (which I actually welcome in such an authoritative text). I’ll link to my review here, once it’s published.
Intriguing stuff! And while I don’t disagree that A leads to B, which leads to C, etc. I wonder if the fact that we are a tribal species doesn’t in some way play into our treatment of the “Other”? In no way to justify this treatment, merely tossing it in the hopper.
Will definitely check out QueerSexLife. Thanks for the heads up.
As promised, my review to queersexlife is up!